Thursday, July 9, 2015

Sometimes there's not a silver lining?

95 days ago my mom tried to kill herself. I don't think she wanted to; she didn't even take the right pills. Didn't make it hurt less. But I can't say that I have truly felt feelings yet. I don't know that I know how to. I returned to the hospital she was initially admitted to 3 days later. Same floor. As I walked to say my final goodbyes to a man that had impacted my life in a way words can't explain, I stared at a room, just a few doors down, that I had walked through days before. He hadn't chosen his fate. She tried. I am thankful. I am thankful her attempt didn't work. I am thankful Adrian was a part of my life. But when it comes to my mom, I'm unequipped as to how to feel. Sometimes I think I can't feel because it will hurt her. When someone says their only reason for living is you and then they decide the bottom of a pill bottle is worth more... Where do you go with that?